My500Words;4

Dear God,
Woke up to the alarm sound that I used to set during my school days, I don't have any idea how it got set by default I guess, but it took my breath. Now you can imagine the rest of the day jiski start hi aisi hui.
Some people in life are too hard to handle. I wish to escape sometimes. I don't want to see them at any point in life. I want them to disappear but that's for a while as I really can't hate people for long.
Allah Mia my lights are also not working, I don't feel good looking at my dead bed. Please fix things now it's been long really really long. Let their be a miracle some happiness, please shower some love on me. I want to be happy and gay now and not be tensed about anything I wish that everything falls into place, I don't want to complain about anyone or anything. I just want to be free to be happy. To enjoy life to the fullest and worry less about people and their mindset.
I am sleepy.
Good night x

#My500Words;3

Dear God,

#My500Words;2

Dear God,
I am a bit charged today. The jaipur literature festival is coming near and I'm so excited to be a part of it and I am putting all my energy in making this event a successful one please help me with everything, you know I need you at every point in life.
Things today went well a little easier than yesterday of course all thanks to you. Life is so unpredictable .
I am sorry I couldn't complete this yesterday but I don't want post nothing on a date hence this little piece.

#My500words;1

Dear God,
I have taken up this project to write 500words everyday till the next 31 days. I'm not sure whether I'd be able to complete the challenge or not but I am going to try. I am not going to be worried about anything or anyone if I say dear God then everything I say goes to you and I can't hide anything from you so I am going to play honest this time.
So here I begin with you as my addressee, because I think only you can understand me better, and not be judging all the time. If I do wrong you will forgive me, if I ever fall you will support me, if I am confused you will guide me, if I lie you will excuse me, if I die than I know you will welcome me. My hope lies in you and I know you will always help me like you've always did.
I know if humans, or no animals disguised as humans read this they might say that you will not hear me and that I am just being foolish, but I do believe in you. My faith is just as strong as the force you've put in all the robust things on this earth.
My day began with a terrific urge to drink coffee, couldn't sleep last night and my head was spinning like a gyre. With a plenty of things going inside me which I think if I put to paper it would reveal a terrible insight of my heart and mind. Not that I am heart broken or cheated upon or lost or an orphan, No I am blessed with so many things all thanks to you but I guess its my nature to worry, to be tensed even for the little things in life but this isn't me either if I am good and blissful than I am the happiest and the most cheerful. So we can say that I am going through severe mood disorder and if not taken care of I might just loose onto many important people and things in my life.
But I think I don't care now, who comes, who stays and who leaves. I am going to die alone.
That's enough for today hope I crossed the limit.
Thank you Allah Mia for listening to me.
Love you FOREVER x

That ball of love !

With my mouth stinking like it does when we don't eat for long and my hands all dried up with these winters I type, I type for you to know, to know that I'm crazy, crazy because you made me.
My eyes leak and I'm unable to speak, my heart spills out feelings and they're all over me you can see them in my overflowing swollen eyes and my big flowing tomato like red nose and my face that says 'I'm going to eat alive the first person who comes to me'
I have this tendency every month, no I guess every week, sometimes twice a week or no I am like this just everyday.
You see me like a grown arrogant woman with much more attitude than her weight, yeah seriously ! I am bold and strong and got walls huge huge walls build around me which only few can cross but those who do are the ones I love, love them to the extent of doing anything for them. Since they're close they've seen the little ball of love that I own which I give out to them it's full of peace, pj's, love and feelings and of course trust and understanding. So they love it they come and play and have fun and leave, crushing the ball so bad that it takes month to put it back together not for me to live my life happily but for those who haven't had their chance so that they come and crush and leave and the cycle OBVIOUSLY REPEATS.
It's not that difficult you know, now that I'm used to it. All it takes is a few days of gloominess, some irritation in the eyes and a stomach that doesn't take in anything.
But it's OK afterwards, things go smooth.
This has happened with me several times and I handled it well but I think I'm falling now I'm afraid now, every HI / HELLO got hidden in something are you here for the ball of love ? No. Not now.
It's torn now. All of it. And I quit this time. I'm not putting it back together not that I don't need it but because I don't want someone to come back and crush it again. I've failed I guess.
But that's what happens when you put in too much.
Too much of something kills the appetite.
Haina na ?