That ball of love !

With my mouth stinking like it does when we don't eat for long and my hands all dried up with these winters I type, I type for you to know, to know that I'm crazy, crazy because you made me.
My eyes leak and I'm unable to speak, my heart spills out feelings and they're all over me you can see them in my overflowing swollen eyes and my big flowing tomato like red nose and my face that says 'I'm going to eat alive the first person who comes to me'
I have this tendency every month, no I guess every week, sometimes twice a week or no I am like this just everyday.
You see me like a grown arrogant woman with much more attitude than her weight, yeah seriously ! I am bold and strong and got walls huge huge walls build around me which only few can cross but those who do are the ones I love, love them to the extent of doing anything for them. Since they're close they've seen the little ball of love that I own which I give out to them it's full of peace, pj's, love and feelings and of course trust and understanding. So they love it they come and play and have fun and leave, crushing the ball so bad that it takes month to put it back together not for me to live my life happily but for those who haven't had their chance so that they come and crush and leave and the cycle OBVIOUSLY REPEATS.
It's not that difficult you know, now that I'm used to it. All it takes is a few days of gloominess, some irritation in the eyes and a stomach that doesn't take in anything.
But it's OK afterwards, things go smooth.
This has happened with me several times and I handled it well but I think I'm falling now I'm afraid now, every HI / HELLO got hidden in something are you here for the ball of love ? No. Not now.
It's torn now. All of it. And I quit this time. I'm not putting it back together not that I don't need it but because I don't want someone to come back and crush it again. I've failed I guess.
But that's what happens when you put in too much.
Too much of something kills the appetite.
Haina na ?