'Brewing'

I don't know yet. But I'm thinking. About a lot of different things which might sound completely insane to you. Maybe they are all crazy ideas, but something's brewing, and I am pleased.
Almost after years but there are butterflies dancing and something wonderful has happen in my head or heart, which obviously I am not sure of. But whatever this feeling is about its all just very blissful.
I am feeling alive and excited and brand new again.
It is crazy.
I know.
But,
But it's real.
I remember a bible passage which I once read in school assembly "Behold, old things are passed away. All things are becoming new."

Well it doesn't take much to be happy and feel the same bliss that I am feeling. Just get rid of everything that disturbs you, bothers you or make you feel guilty. Take everyday as a new blessing as a new chance to live all over again. Don't give a fuck about how much you spent on your last purchase just look how much you are left with and what all you can do with it.
Be productive. Make people happy, stay happy.  
One needs to say good bye and if you don't do that in a satisfactory way, then you might never get rid of all the splinters out of your soul and it might give you a lot of trouble in every step you take, every decision you make. You just can't sit back and wash years of your life without saying good-bye.
Or can  you?
Well, you gotta make up your mind.
Not just yet. But maybe later.
And let me know what you come up with when everything's "Brewed".
Or before that, if I can help x 

Changes for good :)

A major major change coming in the blogs. I'm not sad anymore.
I am going to discuss pretty things in life and not be a melo dramatic, torned women instead.
Somebody has rightly said if you see things beautifully, everything will seem beautiful.
So fingers crossed, let's try it this time .
You too readers x
Let's do it this time..

Just to be updated.

Already four months into the year & my journal is completely empty, a lot different than what it used to be. Does that define the miseries in life or should I go on with them, I choose not to.
I'm occupied with things I don't even know about, I'm so much free that I sit and cry for doing nothing. I was never like this but I am now.
I've always wanted to be grown up into a well matured woman, and I think I am halfway through(and this makes me blush a little.) & InshaAllah I will even make it through.
Sleepy
Down with fever 102
Nose blocked.
OK bye

Midnight madness;2

Zindagi ek safar hai suhana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Arey o leiyo leiyo, ooooo
Chadh taaron se chalna hai aage
Asmaanon se badna hai aage
Pichhe reh jayega yeh zamana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Zindagi ek safar hai suhana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Haste gate jahan se guzar
Duniya ki tu parvah na kar
Muskuraate hue din bitana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Haan zindagi ek safar hai suhana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Maut aani hai ayegi ik din
Jaan jaani hai jayegi ik din
Aisi baaton se kya ghabrana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Zindagi ek safar hai suhana
Yahan kal kya ho kisne jaana
Di di di, du du du
Oleyo leyo ha haa haa

Please believe me I've been listening to this song for almost an hour on replay.
And I would like to tell you that yes,
Zindagi ek safar hy suhana ☺
Jaha kab kon kiski marle kisne jaana .
������
Allah tauba tauba ��������

Midnight madness;1

Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror and not recognize myself.
So don't be bothered tomorrow if I see you and cross like we've never met before.
For I have changed a lot from the day you left & I know even you have moved on from the moment I left.
We've indeed seen the worst but we also saw the best.
But the end was this, we ought to be brave and accept.

Eh, the midnight lameness is what makes me do this neither is it a prose you take months to write nor a piece of poetry that you write sitting beneath the silver moon, this can be a draft or maybe a discarded letter to a lover which was never sent.
With too much of literature in my head I would now like to sleep.

Goodnight x

ABRAJ AL BAIT

I am totally smitten by this statuesque  called Abraj Al-Bait Towers, also known as the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. These towers strives to modernize the city in catering to its pilgrims. And my eternal love for alpine buildings makes it one of the best destinations of my visit to this sacred land.
Oh yes most importantly The complex holds several world records,
•The tallest clock tower in the world. •The world's largest clock face.
•The complex's hotel tower became the second tallest building in  world in 2012, surpassing Taiwan's Taipei 101, and is currently the third tallest building in the world, surpassed only by Dubai's Burj Khalifa and Shanghai's Sh the anghai Tower.

The building complex is metres away from the world's largest mosque Masjid al-Haram which means that just like me
you can hop in and out of the building whenever you want to. In between the intervals of two salaah's you can go and shop inside the complex. It deals in almost everything. You get food of various countries, dates, prayer mats etc etc at very reasonable price with the scope of bargaining too, but i would suggest you should take some bargaining tips from my mamma she's just too good at it.
And oh of course it also serves as the best destination to shop from brands like ALDO, ESPIRIT, MILANO, ACCESSORIZE, STEVE MADEN and many more.. Don't bargain here lol. And also for the food they have KFC, SBARRO, HARDEES, my favourite STARBUCKS, BASKIN ROBBINS, BURGER KING and a lot more. And also we have two three restaurants serving indian as well as pakistani food.
I am going to miss this place a lot for I have spent a lot of time here. Also I am in much Afsos for not carrying my camera with me but still took some pictures from the phone, take a look at them too :)
So whenever you come to Mecca don't forget to visit this place and shop khul ke.
And remember me in your prayers.

xoxo

P.s: Sorry I am late for this post but it seemed to have drowned in the sea of drafts that I own. Found it today so published. Happy reading :)

#My500Words

Dear God,
I am not a keeper, I never was.
Proved it yet once again. Couldn't complete the challenge though I promised to but I just couldn't. Even if I recall my past experiences in life I never really kept a promise. I break them. I break them all. But there are always reasons attached, that I see that you see but no one else does. Life has usually been mean to me. Or maybe that's what I believe. But not always it's been good too :)

Its not that I didn't try to write. I did. I swear I did. I still have 7 drafts which means that I would have posted atleast 11 posts in total. But I couldn't. Some days busy here, some there. And now I guess I have even lost interest in writing. I don't wish to write now. I'm done with it I suppose. Or maybe not. Idk I know nothing. Or no I do. 

Uh, OK bye 
before even this goes to drafts. I'm gonna post it.
Good night x

My500Words;4

Dear God,
Woke up to the alarm sound that I used to set during my school days, I don't have any idea how it got set by default I guess, but it took my breath. Now you can imagine the rest of the day jiski start hi aisi hui.
Some people in life are too hard to handle. I wish to escape sometimes. I don't want to see them at any point in life. I want them to disappear but that's for a while as I really can't hate people for long.
Allah Mia my lights are also not working, I don't feel good looking at my dead bed. Please fix things now it's been long really really long. Let their be a miracle some happiness, please shower some love on me. I want to be happy and gay now and not be tensed about anything I wish that everything falls into place, I don't want to complain about anyone or anything. I just want to be free to be happy. To enjoy life to the fullest and worry less about people and their mindset.
I am sleepy.
Good night x

#My500Words;3

Dear God,

#My500Words;2

Dear God,
I am a bit charged today. The jaipur literature festival is coming near and I'm so excited to be a part of it and I am putting all my energy in making this event a successful one please help me with everything, you know I need you at every point in life.
Things today went well a little easier than yesterday of course all thanks to you. Life is so unpredictable .
I am sorry I couldn't complete this yesterday but I don't want post nothing on a date hence this little piece.

#My500words;1

Dear God,
I have taken up this project to write 500words everyday till the next 31 days. I'm not sure whether I'd be able to complete the challenge or not but I am going to try. I am not going to be worried about anything or anyone if I say dear God then everything I say goes to you and I can't hide anything from you so I am going to play honest this time.
So here I begin with you as my addressee, because I think only you can understand me better, and not be judging all the time. If I do wrong you will forgive me, if I ever fall you will support me, if I am confused you will guide me, if I lie you will excuse me, if I die than I know you will welcome me. My hope lies in you and I know you will always help me like you've always did.
I know if humans, or no animals disguised as humans read this they might say that you will not hear me and that I am just being foolish, but I do believe in you. My faith is just as strong as the force you've put in all the robust things on this earth.
My day began with a terrific urge to drink coffee, couldn't sleep last night and my head was spinning like a gyre. With a plenty of things going inside me which I think if I put to paper it would reveal a terrible insight of my heart and mind. Not that I am heart broken or cheated upon or lost or an orphan, No I am blessed with so many things all thanks to you but I guess its my nature to worry, to be tensed even for the little things in life but this isn't me either if I am good and blissful than I am the happiest and the most cheerful. So we can say that I am going through severe mood disorder and if not taken care of I might just loose onto many important people and things in my life.
But I think I don't care now, who comes, who stays and who leaves. I am going to die alone.
That's enough for today hope I crossed the limit.
Thank you Allah Mia for listening to me.
Love you FOREVER x

That ball of love !

With my mouth stinking like it does when we don't eat for long and my hands all dried up with these winters I type, I type for you to know, to know that I'm crazy, crazy because you made me.
My eyes leak and I'm unable to speak, my heart spills out feelings and they're all over me you can see them in my overflowing swollen eyes and my big flowing tomato like red nose and my face that says 'I'm going to eat alive the first person who comes to me'
I have this tendency every month, no I guess every week, sometimes twice a week or no I am like this just everyday.
You see me like a grown arrogant woman with much more attitude than her weight, yeah seriously ! I am bold and strong and got walls huge huge walls build around me which only few can cross but those who do are the ones I love, love them to the extent of doing anything for them. Since they're close they've seen the little ball of love that I own which I give out to them it's full of peace, pj's, love and feelings and of course trust and understanding. So they love it they come and play and have fun and leave, crushing the ball so bad that it takes month to put it back together not for me to live my life happily but for those who haven't had their chance so that they come and crush and leave and the cycle OBVIOUSLY REPEATS.
It's not that difficult you know, now that I'm used to it. All it takes is a few days of gloominess, some irritation in the eyes and a stomach that doesn't take in anything.
But it's OK afterwards, things go smooth.
This has happened with me several times and I handled it well but I think I'm falling now I'm afraid now, every HI / HELLO got hidden in something are you here for the ball of love ? No. Not now.
It's torn now. All of it. And I quit this time. I'm not putting it back together not that I don't need it but because I don't want someone to come back and crush it again. I've failed I guess.
But that's what happens when you put in too much.
Too much of something kills the appetite.
Haina na ?

Broken crayons.

Tomorrow is another day. The sun will shine again tomorrow. There are plenty of fish in the sea  and there's light at the end of the tunnel.
Seriously ?
Looks like I've fooled myself enough by now. I don't see anything. All of this seems to be never ending. I have reached that point in life where I no longer give a fuck to anyone, their feelings and whatever fuck they do.
I just can't please people now. I AM DONE !
No matter how hard you try, how good you be as a human they are always going to judge you for numerous stupid reasons.
No matter how hard you try you'll still be an option to them.
But enough !
I am no more worrying about anyone or anything I have no more stamina. I will do what I WANT TO DO . I no more require approvals or permissions I can decide myself.
I am not going to think about tomorrow, or whether there's a fish left for me or not. I am going to keep my head high, wink, smile and move on.
I am not going to sit and cry I will move on,

Because no matter what broken crayons still color.

☆☆Abraj Al-Bait☆☆

I am totally smitten by this statuesque  called Abraj Al-Bait Towers, also known as the Mecca Royal Hotel Clock Tower in Mecca, Saudi Arabia. These towers strives to modernize the city in catering to its pilgrims. And my eternal love for alpine buildings makes it one of the best destinations of my visit to this sacred land.
Oh yes most importantly The complex holds several world records,
•The tallest clock tower in the world. •The world's largest clock face.
•The complex's hotel tower became the second tallest building in  world in 2012, surpassing Taiwan's Taipei 101, and is currently the third tallest building in the world, surpassed only by Dubai's Burj Khalifa and Shanghai's Sh the anghai Tower.

The building complex is metres away from the world's largest mosque Masjid al-Haram which means that just like me
you can hop in and out of the building whenever you want to. In between the intervals of two salaah's you can go and shop inside the complex. It deals in almost everything. You get food of various countries, dates, prayer mats etc etc at very reasonable price with the scope of bargaining too, but i would suggest you should take some bargaining tips from my mamma she's just too good at it.
And oh of course it also serves as the best destination to shop from brands like ALDO, ESPIRIT, MILANO, ACCESSORIZE, STEVE MADEN and many more.. Don't bargain here lol. And also for the food they have KFC, SBARRO, HARDEES, my favourite STARBUCKS, BASKIN ROBBINS, BURGER KING and a lot more. And also we have two three restaurants serving indian as well as pakistani food.
I am going to miss this place a lot for I have spent a lot of time here. Also I am in much Afsos for not carrying my camera with me but still took some pictures from the phone, take a look at them too :)
So whenever you come to Mecca don't forget to visit this place and shop khul ke.
And remember me in your prayers.

xoxo

P.s: Sorry I am late for this post but it seemed to have drowned in the sea of drafts that I own. Found it today so published. Happy reading :)

Bet !

"I knew more about love.. passion.. trust.. luck.. betrayal and destiny when I was seventeen years old than you will probably ever know in all your life".

I BET !

Say.

Two sayings that sum up my life. I don't know only for today or for all the rest of my life .
How can people exactly describe what we feel ? How can they just put feelings into words ? I've been wondering about this for quite long now. Kher, it's because of them that I don't have to explain it to people much, I can just quote my feelings through their sayings.
Like ;
"Maybe there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you are afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt, it's gonna hurt. Because it matters."
-John Green
Haina na ? Somethings are always hanging around we don't want to be with them but at the same time we cannot go without them. I guess we call it "Complicated life".

Ok another one ;

"All I really want to know is how other people are making it through life ? Where do they put their body, hour by hour and how do they cope inside of it ? "
-Miranda July

This makes sense isn't it. I am here sitting beneath the waning moon just lost and wondering what am I doing with my own life where am I heading to ? I am just so occupied with thoughts as of The sadist.  But people I see two blocks down are moving around on streets with friends laughing and kissing each other. How ? How do they do it ?
Sometimes in life it takes every bit of me just to fake a smile. And look at them so comfortable in their skin they are. While I am just bothered about my night suit, it's my favourite and the color is fading -.-

Well, Thankyou John Green and Miranda July for letting me pour out my heart through your words.

X

Wake me up !

Wake me up !
I've been sleeping for long.
Away from the world,
I've been sleeping long.
In his arms that I fit in best
I've been sleeping.
For long.
Dwelled in fantasies, in love,
In the perfect life ;
With him of course !
Oh I've been sleeping long.
He spoke of love,
marriage and having babies,
I realise Alas !
I've been sleeping long.
Wake me up !
For now I've fooled myself
For long.
Wake me up!
I refuse to be fooled more.
I've been
For long.

Don't be a newspaper !

For quite some time I have been quarrelling with myself whether to share this post or not. But I think I should as it might be useful for some.
So this caboodle of feelings of hatred, love, passion, revenge and glominess has been with each of us at some point or the other.
And as even psychology explains it's always good for the benefit of mind to share these with people.
We kind of feel relaxed after sharing our thoughts with others. And often while sharing we don't realize whom we are sharing it with and that's where the plot begins. We are so so so lost in our own things that we missout on realising who the closed one's are. And speak up things in front of those who really don't care all they could do is feel sorry or get a topic to gossip about with the rest of friends.
Don't be a newspaper.
Just like we read all sorts of news in a newspaper and all we do is feel sorry for the flood or happy for the latest Dia mirza's wedding similar is the case with us people have nothing to do with us, our issues our lives. Than why why to be a newspaper ? And tell the world about our love, breakups, problems. 

Did you just breakup ? Or had a quarrel with your bf/gf ?
Oh, so you're heartbroken. Let's upload a picture on instagram or maybe a nice heartbroken quote would work well for a facebook status followed by a few messages by the "Sympathetic" people.
Now that's cool. You feel better. Right ?
It's over. Han. Relaxed.

No my love no.
That status was read by some old school friends or some college friends with whom you really don't have good terms.  And do you know they are meeting over lunch today. A topic about the social media is surely to take place and maybe your facebook status might come as a topic of discussion.
"Did you read her status ?"
"Oh my god has she lost it ?"
"She's a mad woman."
They might have liked your status or might have even commented "things will be ok don't worry".
But see what are they saying. This happens. Shit happens. But when you've the choice of not being exploited by anyone than why do you choose to be a newspaper?
You have the most closed one's right next to you. Your mom, your dad your sister, brother. They will listen to you, help you, explain it to you, and afterwards will even ask you about how's it going.
So please don't be a newspaper. Own a journal instead. Pen it down. Ask yourself. Give yourself time. Sit back and relax. Seek refuge from the All mighty. Think and act.
But,
DON'T BE A NEWSPAPER !
It's useless.

Stay blessed x

Because my heart still beats ♡

Because my heart still beats.
The wounds that you gave still ache.
The dreams that we shared still appear.
The smile I use to smile never came again. The endless fights are no more.
Those eyes that stared me never saw me again.
We had endless problems, but I loved you.
You have nothing more to do with me.
And I’ve poisoned you.
The love that we had can  come again. You don’t have to worry about me anymore.
never
I HAVE UNDERSTOOD.

I am not the same princess anymore.
I cannot fix everything.
No one’s going to help me.
I’m on my own.
I have to figure out how things work here.
And I will.
And when I do I’ll tell the world.
I’ll get out of the hellhole.
I WILL.
Because my heart still beats.

I have to write.

I don't write everyday. It's only after a few days of not writing that I completely freak out and it's only after some sad hours and enumerous arguments with people in my life. I hate them, hurt them and then spend couple of hours apologizing with them for I have made them all upset because of my stupidity. And it is only after all this shit
That I begin something. This time being easy because I am not thinking much and only talking about my present situation and I am not on an exquisite wandering.
I love to write. To pen down every inch of feeling that I experience every moment. Oh no i am not that good of a writer but yes i know i am not that bad either. So I pen down some unrealistic things that can never happen to me but I, I still for my own nerves to calm down and for my heart to take a chill and be happy for a while I write.
I write about my past,not much- it's gone.
I write about my present because it feels like I've handed over the presurre to someone else or shared my happiness with some other soul.
I write I write about my future because I have hope in every new day. My hope lies in tomorrow for today has not given me much. Maybe tomorrow is the day.
So I go forth into the future boldly. Taking steps that might kiss me or even fuck me at times. But it's ok its life.
And then wait a minute something just happened which is more important than this piece of writing. 
And before this blog begins to sound like that of a sadist girl who is lonely, lost, sad, depressed, in a one sided love.
And since I REFUSE TO BE ONE OF A KIND.
I bid good bye x

And yea it's life I take a bold step and move again. And you know how it goes on from here ;)